11-16

Hiiiiiiiii.

Lifes awesome. Im really hungry though.


Wow bye

WTF

so im noticing a trend.
people who matter leave people who need them. i can't take losing another bestfriend. and WAITING AND WANTING for a year with endless hurt.



@$$ FAWK

<333

today i went to the willowbend mall w// taylor; kelly; chelsea;&&+ dainelle<3 it was so much fun && tommorw im spending the night @ taylors house w/ her &&* caseys house. i haven't seen casey for like 2 years?? :( && then friday we have schedule pickup and me taylor katrina && casey go to the lake till monday. & then tuesday me && taylor are starting the church week thing <3 & on friday were up till 8 for marathon night ; & she gets to sleep over heheh & i might be going back to the lake with kelly & aimee . . *& maybe some others?? i danno but that probb won't happen. life is so good & in 2 weeks basically ill be a highschooler

stand beside me && call me your friend

life is good. goodbye.

I want to be buried next to you.

Roswell use to be one of my favorite places to go to but nows its one of the leading causes for the big gash in my heart that won't ever heal.
This place has so many memories of the person i adored. I think God shows us we take things for granted by taking the most valueable thinkgs to you away for good so you can learn how to love what you have with or without a broken heart. Like my cousin niki said "it'll never be ok" she has been correct the whole time and those who always said "now the healing can begin." well thats bs. I havn't gone through any healing. Granted i only saw her 2 weeks a year. But thats enough to be attached for life. Never seeing people who mean[everything] &* fighting with my parents everyday dosn't help, at all. & never will. If i could drive i would probbaly never be home because its my core of depression. I;m stuck there all the time, with my self & I, just thinking about it, & i when i hang out with my girls it only gives a few hours to breathe. Now i'm not saying i'm not saying i'm the only one who has been affected by her death. But i am the youngest but no one seems to care about that. I don't mean to be selfish & self center or a brat. I just want my grandma back &+ THATS THAT.

The world will tell you who you are until you tell the world.

Today, I hung out with Ellen. I have missed her, a lot. Shes such a good friend that it pains me that me & her didn't hang out that much in middle school. Maybe, just maybe if i was with her more, i would of saved myself from any pain, or atleast some of it. :( Right now, My brother & his girlfriend are over, i should probbaly go help with dinner, but whatever. I might ... I'm getting the cold sholder from My brothers girlfriend, again. I don't know what i do but i'm just guessing, just hearing my voice is enough to tick her off.... I'm going to mystery trip again, i wasn't sure if i wanted to go again, but i'll be away from the people i love the most, but the people i tend to hurt the most as well, so some time away might be good for me so i can realize that their what matters, & because its church, it might make my attitude & this hurt weaken. to change and to change for the better are two different things. but whatever, my friends have noticed that my happiness or the cheery in my voice goes away faster than before, or lately but, just because i try not to talk about it does not mean that i am over it, that i feel better, or that i am ever going to be okay. i just don't want to be a burden. but some people just don't seem to understand that... But i'm through writing.. Bye
-clarissa
People are like crayons. it's not the color they are, it's the picture they make.

My heart has holes and black blood flows;

Hmm so where to begin? I guess you can say The pain & depression in my heart has gotten worse.? I thought it was getting better but i still have no idea why it is there, but losing my grandma didn't help. Thinking about the holes in the my pounding heart only makes me more irritable. I got alil, overreaccted today? I acted like My brothers girlfriend hated me, cause @ the time I thought i was right, but Im vunerable right now, So I assume anything. Heh. I have come to realize the only escape from this, is being with my friends or being with my brother, the ONLY people that make me give a true smile. I'm tired of fighting with my mom && done obsessing over people who have hurt me. If my parents wouldn't probb send me somewhere to control myself i would of probbaly made alot of dents in my walls and made plenty scars this past year. I'm scared, when i get to High School, this feeling? If i can even call it that, or Just a monster in me, will make me do the worst. Staying by myself for a long period of time, is also what prob does this to me, making me go crazy. I have noticed how i agrue about everything & don't listen to anyone who wants to help or just talk to me.. I blame this one girl, && most everyone knows her Name. I can't tell my parents how hurt & backstabbed i am & feel, and i Don't want too. My cousin Niki, talked to me alil when i was in Denver && it made me feel better, I guess i just need to get over it all & just do something to occupy my mind or find someone other than parents to talk to.. Heh. :/
Well Im hungry , bye.
<;3



&&&don't you just hate it when you're on the edge of breaking down yet no one in the world seems to notice or care.
^quote of the dayyy. woah im relly depressed :/

IM HOME

my parents & i got home yesterday @ some time and then went to KFC and ate with my brother and Liz<3
so now its time to live it up summer 08 :]
im going to kellys(kayswag) tommorw @ 1 and hanging out
and going to my brothers house this weekend
itll be fun, ill see my cousin Olivia and her friend Jessica.
I think ha i don't remeber to much about the conversation at dinner yesterday.
Whatever. Its 10:21 and i have done Nothing Today! I woke up at 1, true summer living :)

goodbye x3

:D

im still in roswell
but GUESS WHAT i acctuly did something yesterday
1) some creaper gave me his number ...
2) cousins house and ate Healthy Lausanga
3) saw chronicals of narnia prince caspain AND DANG THAT WAS GOOD
now i want to see the first one.
=] ill probbaly be doing that when i get home since i inheritied it from my grandmas death.
also me and tay*bawll are going to go see the kungfu panda movie when i get h0me she saw it today but she said it was really funny and wants to see it again so , yeah .
OH YEAHHH I DONATED TO ASPECA OR WHATEVER AND NOW IM GOING TO GET AN EXTRALARGE SHIRT =] I NOW HAVE A NEW SLEEPING SHIRT. woohoo.

i have to go eat wendys now.
bye.
x0x0

shes so stupid what the HeLL were you thinkin'

its sumer 08 and im a freshmannnn<3
yaaa son ;] right now im in Roswell new mexico , im here to help get my grandmas things sold so we can sell the house
im here till like thursday and then im going to Denver Colorado for a cousins wedding, yeah itll be bad@$$. i can't wait for the after party, yuhhhh:)
oh yeah, not to long ago i had my 14th birthday , that was fun, we went to this restuarant and all this orientals had a parade to "say" happy birthday, it was really fun, but oh so embarrasing. and if you have a DS you really need to buy Diner Dash because its really fun, but don't get me wrong its crazy intense. on the ride here with my dad, we partied the time, and NO we did not listen to Micheal Jackson the WHOLE time, just a couple times, we also listened Celtic Woman, the beatles, the three kings, some chick, and then some radio but my favorite was and always will be MJ sooooo if your a haterr you can beat it :):D

ALRIGHT
IM OUT
BYE<3

Heading on out

Today i am going to Roswell, New Mexico for my grandma's funeral. It'll be heartbreaking but everyone will have family with them so we'll make it through.
I'm at my brothers house still and when my brother gets bck from doing a few errands we'll be out and on our way, driving for about 8 hours. Lord have mercy; its going to be a looooong drive. Back to the funeral part of this weekend, there is going to be a lot of people going to this besides family. Meemaw(my grandma) was a loved woman in her city and very respected. Everyone knew her and she knew everyone. So this funeral won't be just a one hit wonder it'll be huge with lots of people. I might of said this already in my previous blog post but my dad left yesterday to Roswell. He my uncle and my mom went to go see Meemaw in the Funeral Home. I'm trying to decide if im strong enough to face her for the last time. I know it will be hard but maybe it will be worth it. But till then i will just have to ponder on it some more. Last night my brother and his girlfriends' friends came over; Ben, Ashlin, & Vinny and we played mario kart on the Wii; it was fun and the bombn8r was making it rain lawl; ok well i need to go straighten my hair b4 Liz gets out of the shower--
lattta;)

brothers house

im @ my brothers house and im just chilling my last post was kind of depressing
but anyway right now im watching rob and big and big is learning a new routine on how to be a male stripper again...AGAIN.... ew. The show is really hilarous, but i don't really feel like typing a whole lot so Hm im going to show anyone who is reading this some pictures i find off TinyPic. Oh and btw im going to make a Youtube account and make videos and post them on here so i don't have to work my fingers to death ;)


well &+ this is just random

Never forgotten

5.1.08; Dear beloved,

I will never forget your soft hugs and your welcoming smile. I will never forget how much you cared and how fun you were. You were more than just a grandmother you were my bestfriend. You meant everything to me and more. You will never be forgot, I will always cherish all the moments we had and all the laughter that was made. There was a peice in my heart that was yours and it will always be there beating for you and grandy. When i pass i hope to see your heartfilled smile waiting for me with your open arms. You taught me how to be how i am, and i thank you. As hard as it is to say goodbye, when i get to say hello again it'll be worth it all. I will keep our memories close to my heart and i hope they will be with you too. Keep a spot in heaven for me as i wait anxious to see you again. You are in a better place now and i envy you. I will love you endlessly.

Not nearly a goodbye,
Clarissa
xoxo

4/26

its been awhile. eek;;
in my 7th period ive been rapping alot with alejandra , but yesterday we sang britney spears. hahah it was so hard to sing. & i redid my myspace yesterday. yuh represent :) lawl
today were going to at&t to look @ new phones (: x3
o o o at school there was a flood DURING MY MATH TEST , and i was rockin that test but thats ok i have one question left and my teacher will let me finish monday. phew.
well i gotta go peace

april is almost over.

and when april is over i grow an age:}
I'm still in my pj's nd just thought id drop a line .
I'm really bored , and my back hurts. The parents and I went to see Leatherheads last night.
It was good, and pretty funny, it had that one guy from The Office in it.
The girl was snoby though. Mythbusters is on so after this spill ima watch it =)
For lunch my dad got chickfila and he got me a milkshake, mmm yaa it was slammin'.
I found out today in kh3 [kingdom hearts 3] theres going to be a new kind of darkness, yuh represent. OHHH for school my teacher is having everyone in my grade vote on stuff and im in the running for most shy girl...?! when have i ever been shy lmfao.
k well im done, laterr.<3

Bored

Just got home from my bro's, we studied hardcore.
I guess you could say i am stalling, i'm supposed to be showering but i have yet to do so, heh.
I really have nothing to talk about but thats okay, my book is rockin' and i "beat" my brother today in smash hahaha, cuz im just that bommmbiinn!
Ok well i don't want to get grounded ha , so peaceee out

4/14;boiii if yur a balla then you know me

ooook my computer is annoying, it never lets me post, erg.
Today i got a new book, well its Katrinas but thats ok its good.
In gym Amber was complaining about how people keep calling her pretty; and then katrina was like oh suck it up, i never get called pretty so just say thanks. [i said nothing lawl]
We got our video grade in science, and katrina still wonders why she got the worst grade. Hehe :)
I'm so mean haha this whole blog has been about Katrina, Woa.
Lately i have really been into Two and A Half Men, it makes me Laugh.
sack of jawea ;)) loll my fav episode. But degrassi is still on top.<3
oooo and enrique iglesias is a new addiction. tadaalala.
okay peace out n00bz

4/10

its been a couple days since ive written, my fault.
for the past nights we have had crazy storms, & when i woke this morning
we had boards from out fench off of it, crazy huh?
i have a math retest tommorw, oh my jesus. i really need to get full points on that.

my mom is letting me dy my hair this summerr, chyea =]
on tuesday we had Math Taks, booooo.
its like chocking a kid taking that thing. no BS


my teeth are straighter, hooraaayy!

4/5

today i hung out with markie all day. kinda?
i woke up earlier than ever ; that sucked but my brother was asleep in his car when i got out of the shower. he brought his catz w/ him because of the owner of his house; or something and when he left with all of em but cleo; i found her, and it didn't even take 10 minutes. i felt bad :/
but my mom is asleep with her at the moment soo.
misti is barking alot right now; im scared.[my dog]

anywho. today i went to the movies with markie like i said in my previous blog and we saw the superhero m0vie and all they did was make fun of Spiderman. Like come on he was the best! But its ok, the movie was kinda good but it got annoying after awhile. THEEENN not even an hour later after she dropped me off at mi casa, she invited me to go to a play & i went to it and we saw Willy Woka Jr. ha wonder what thats about, nott. it was good but the girl who is supposed to turn purple didn't and then when they came out to bow she had a pillow in her shirt but not in the scene. n00b.<3 l o l i could become a cinema critic.-if thats it name.

me and markie took soo many pictures and i edited every single one, AND i figured out how to make my face not look so acney on lunapic.com
.<3 good stuff right thurr.
wowowow thats more than i ever right at schhool, ahh well
im going to get off the computer ; ive had my daily dose for the day (:

ayyye

before i do my daily spill; i would like to introduce my blog.
this is my 4th blog but 3rd blog on blogspot. www.bugrgross.blogspot.com, the other one i dont remeber[something to do with having fun.] and one on MSN a longg time ago about how to persuade your parents to get a new cat. mm yea pretty sure that was a n00b blog. but anyhow lets back to the stuff that matters :]

2day school, sucked. Our gymnasium got new lights, how lame. Now it makes it even hotter in there. ew. i think i should start washing my Gym shirt more than what the coaches say because DANG! they reeeeeeek!
hmmmmmmmm...
Tonight all ive really done was watch the degrassi spring break movie repeatedly; yeaa i have a huge night life ha ha. thats ok, it was reaaallly good :]
Tommorw me & markie are going to see the Super Hero movie @ 3:30, that should be intresting.
Oh and before i forget, Taylor, Markie, Amber, Katrina and I are starting a note passing journal, i don't know how in the world this is supposed to work but Markie and Roneshia do it, ah well, itll be fun, hopefully, but im willing to bet alot that itll be the most pointless thing since gym class.
OOHHH & i got a 100 on my english project, yay:]
well i think i wrote enough and covered everything to be covered.
i have to go instal this thing for my pops, bye
xoxxo

haterz

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whats up stakerz?:]
ill write every day / try<3