The world will tell you who you are until you tell the world.

Today, I hung out with Ellen. I have missed her, a lot. Shes such a good friend that it pains me that me & her didn't hang out that much in middle school. Maybe, just maybe if i was with her more, i would of saved myself from any pain, or atleast some of it. :( Right now, My brother & his girlfriend are over, i should probbaly go help with dinner, but whatever. I might ... I'm getting the cold sholder from My brothers girlfriend, again. I don't know what i do but i'm just guessing, just hearing my voice is enough to tick her off.... I'm going to mystery trip again, i wasn't sure if i wanted to go again, but i'll be away from the people i love the most, but the people i tend to hurt the most as well, so some time away might be good for me so i can realize that their what matters, & because its church, it might make my attitude & this hurt weaken. to change and to change for the better are two different things. but whatever, my friends have noticed that my happiness or the cheery in my voice goes away faster than before, or lately but, just because i try not to talk about it does not mean that i am over it, that i feel better, or that i am ever going to be okay. i just don't want to be a burden. but some people just don't seem to understand that... But i'm through writing.. Bye
-clarissa
People are like crayons. it's not the color they are, it's the picture they make.

My heart has holes and black blood flows;

Hmm so where to begin? I guess you can say The pain & depression in my heart has gotten worse.? I thought it was getting better but i still have no idea why it is there, but losing my grandma didn't help. Thinking about the holes in the my pounding heart only makes me more irritable. I got alil, overreaccted today? I acted like My brothers girlfriend hated me, cause @ the time I thought i was right, but Im vunerable right now, So I assume anything. Heh. I have come to realize the only escape from this, is being with my friends or being with my brother, the ONLY people that make me give a true smile. I'm tired of fighting with my mom && done obsessing over people who have hurt me. If my parents wouldn't probb send me somewhere to control myself i would of probbaly made alot of dents in my walls and made plenty scars this past year. I'm scared, when i get to High School, this feeling? If i can even call it that, or Just a monster in me, will make me do the worst. Staying by myself for a long period of time, is also what prob does this to me, making me go crazy. I have noticed how i agrue about everything & don't listen to anyone who wants to help or just talk to me.. I blame this one girl, && most everyone knows her Name. I can't tell my parents how hurt & backstabbed i am & feel, and i Don't want too. My cousin Niki, talked to me alil when i was in Denver && it made me feel better, I guess i just need to get over it all & just do something to occupy my mind or find someone other than parents to talk to.. Heh. :/
Well Im hungry , bye.
<;3



&&&don't you just hate it when you're on the edge of breaking down yet no one in the world seems to notice or care.
^quote of the dayyy. woah im relly depressed :/